Jesus, Love, Facebook, Humans.

I think that sometimes I try too hard.

It seems like, these days, most of my energy is spent trying to earn love that has nothing to do with what I do (like God’s, or my mother’s). When I’m not worried about that, I spend my time figuring out how to get others to like me. What clothes can I wear, to impress the people I like? What words can I say and books can I read to create a certain image of myself? What things should I like or dislike? What opinions should I hold, and how should I express them? Where have I messed up with all that in the past, and how can I avoid that now? These are the thoughts that fill my brain throughout the day…and that’s a waste. God has given me a brain, and a heart, and I firmly believe that those two organs die if they are not being used to relate with and help other people. We were designed to live with others–to love others–and when I’m running around worrying about my reputation and my image and my money and my life, I’m not worrying about the others that God asks me to love. My brain is only so big, after all.

I think that Facebook might contribute to this problem. I mean, sure. A website is just a website, and the internet doesn’t kill people–people kill people. But really. My generation grew up with things like Myspace and eHarmony and Facebook and billions of message boards and chat forums, and all of these things–intentionally or not–send the same message: you don’t have to be who you really are. This is a good message in some ways (the message of redemption is one of the most powerful themes within in the Gospel), but it can also be bad. You see, I have this idea in my head that people are walking Facebook profiles. All I need to do to find acceptance or community or love is find the people whose “interests” are sort of like mine, who are “fans” of the same kind of music or actors or Wishbone or Doug, or whose “about me” is something that I’m attracted to (which usually means rather witty or vaguely artistic). Come to think of it, it’d be really neat if people could just wear signs around their neck stating their political and religious views in a few words, as well as their relationship status and date of birth. And we should all just lug around a big portfolio of every picture that has ever been taken of us, candid or otherwise.

While making friends is definitely a good thing, and building communities is never bad, it’s important for me to keep in mind why I’m doing those things. I know that when I look at people as no more than walking Facebook profiles or a big list of political and religious opinions (whose clothes I may or may not like), I’m much more inclined to be self-centered in the relationships that I build with those people. And that’s a bad thing. Because people have value apart from what they can or can’t give me (like community or compliments or love), and because all people (Facebook profile or no!) deserve to be loved. Being human means loving people, and loving people means being selfless towards them.

For somebody like me, being selfless is a really hard thing to do. I’ve got too much street-cred and and far too many plans to just stop worrying about myself and start concerning myself with others. But that’s what I’ve got to do. And for me, it starts with prayer. I’m not sure about the mechanics of this whole “talking to God thing”…I figure he’s got that all worked out. I don’t know what exactly it means to pray for somebody, or how exactly I should go about doing that. But I do know that when I spend “my” time with God focused on talking to him about my friends and loved ones and enemies, my soul is better for it. Usually, I only think of other people in the context of how they affect me and my life–which is, really, how I think about God, as well. And I miss out on a lot of life because of that. The truest love is that in which both parties are completely invested in the other. And I can only invest in people (or God) my leftovers after I have invested in myself.

It’s been a long time since I’ve liked somebody for the sake of liking them, or spoken with God for the sake of hanging out with Him. And I think I want to start. So I’m going to try to stop worrying about improving myself, writing witty Facebook stati and analyzing where my soul is at in relation to God. And I’m going to try to start loving people. Which begins with helping them. Which begins with knowing them. Which begins with caring about them. Which begins with talking to them, and praying for them. Maybe after I get that part all figured out (as if that will ever happen!), I’ll have the time to start worrying about myself…but until then, I’m going to try to find some people’s feet to wash. And that kind of scares me…but God is always at his best when he’s a little scary.

God, help me love and serve my neighbors and enemies…because when I focus on loving and serving myself, nobody wins.

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